Death

 Death

I play around with scenarios in my head. Violent acts towards people, to life. Its so temperamental, life is so easy to take away in more than one sense, illness, addiction , People. I have seen many times people come and go. None of what i see in my head is anger or aggression for the loss of the most beautifully innocent beings but the realisation that life is as fluid as a running river, once can be so full of life and movement and the next its frozen over , dry , desolate, just as quickly as it came, it was gone. This concept is fabricated in my mind as a way of keeping them close, when they died they never left, they sat and stayed for a while, we laughed and cried together, i shouted and stared in my reflection as it showed me the truth, they were never there. 

When the realisation hits it hits hard, just as hard as the moment you are stood helpless over her bed as she gasps for air, as she squeezes your hand ever tighter and tighter and tighter. Each breath gets longer long enough to scare you but not long enough for death to make an arrival, the stutter a a question , showing the very little life left fills you with an everlasting loss , something i will carry to my own death. You always said you would dance at my wedding yet you will now just have to dance with me in my own head. Who is she , she is everything and everyone , she belongs to everyone and no one , she is the person who held you at birth , at night and in times of despair. She can be everything to another.

Death does not take likely to the and hearted , the weak or the old. Yet we owe death a lot more than what we give it , we gain clarity from he passing, we gain strength and we gain more life. It was too cold for you hear.